She knew she had hurt his feelings again. The last time it happened, she pleaded and promised, even laying curses on herself should there be a repeat of that wrong or any wrong at all. She desperately wanted to please and love him, even a fraction of how much he loved her, but he seemed too perfect. He knew, without her promises or curses, that he would forgive her anyway. Love had a way of seeing through these things. Yet, it had only been three days since the last makeup, and she had once again fallen short. She felt incapable of ever satisfying him; she was just too daft. And now she thought of it, how hard was it to refuse Jacob’s advances?
He wasn’t worth the emotional turmoil, but somehow she always found herself drawn to him. She despised herself. How could she explain, once again, that she had fallen? Backing out seemed like the only solution. “He must be sick and tired of my constant pleas for forgiveness,” she thought aloud. How could he not be? Was there anyone as pitiable as she was? She decided to retreat, to act tough and unaffected, concealing her guilt behind a façade of indifference.
How often have we found ourselves in these same shoes? We grow weary of our continuous cycle of sinning and repenting, causing our consciences to become seared. The guilt becomes unbearable, and we make desperate pleas to God, even asking Him to take our lives if we ever commit those sins again. We burden ourselves with impossible vows, hoping that the fear of failure will keep us from sinning. Yet, despite our efforts to threaten ourselves with the greatest punishment, including death, we find ourselves back in the same quagmire. Confused and disheartened by our inability to stay away from sin, we question God’s ability to cleanse us and doubt our own commitment to Christ. We even allow shame and anger to consume us, walking away from God in an attempt to hide.
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This was precisely the case with Adam and Eve in Genesis 3. They thought that hiding was the best way out, but it never was and never will be God’s grand plan. He desires that we come into repentance and not perish. Do you realize that God saw Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit in His omnipresence, and yet He came down to fellowship with them? It serves as a reminder that despite our sins, God yearns to have a relationship with us. It is in His presence that we find true cleansing and restoration
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of Grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.Hebrews 4:16
This bait often catches many, causing them to lose trust in God’s willingness and ability to help them through their struggles. Eventually, they fully embrace their sinful nature, accepting it as an essential part of who they are. But this is a lie that does not come from God. He came to fellowship with Adam and Eve after they messed up. He came to abide with mortal men in order to deliver them from the clutches of the devil. The Scriptures tell us of a God who was deeply hurt when His people were trapped in sin, desperately yearning to bring them back to Himself.
I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”Isaiah 44:22
God wants to help you, and no matter how often you fall, His hands are always stretched out in a welcoming embrace (Luke 15:11-24). Since realizing this truth, whenever I err and feel the strong urge to run away, I make a conscious effort to run to God in confession. It is in Him that I find healing for my soul, despite what my emotions, mind, and brain may be telling me.
Do you feel that your sins are the worst imaginable?
That is the devil preventing your forgiveness. Even if they are,
Find here a song by Cory Asbury that encapsulates the understanding of God’s reckless love.
No matter how many times you stumble or fall, God’s love is greater. Run to Him in confession, and you will find healing and restoration in His presence. Let go of the guilt, shame, and lies that keep you from fully experiencing the depth of His love and forgiveness. Remember, His love is relentless, and He is always waiting with open arms to welcome you back into His embrace.