A Deep Craving

Dear Amanda,

Today, I experienced something that has left me pondering and considering how you might be faring. As I woke up this morning, I was gripped by a profound craving and a deep longing for sexual affection. My emotions were tumultuous, and every feeling seemed heightened by the presence of self.

I’m unsure if you’ve ever been in a similar circumstance, but I must confess Amanda, I’ve rarely felt this way. The depth of this craving left me feeling somewhat lost within myself. I turned to prayer, pleading with the Lord to keep me steadfast and pure. However, Amanda, today purity seemed farther from me than I had imagined.

I reached a point where I grasped the true essence of the saying,

“The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”

Matthew 26:41

I attempted to read my Bible, but my thoughts were scattered. Music provided no solace, and messages felt like mere noise. Turning to my diary, I poured out my thoughts, writing incessantly to maintain my sanity. Ironically, I felt disqualified.

Yet, amidst it all, Amanda, I realized that your struggles are authentic, your desires genuine, and your longings sincere. At that moment, I had one thing in mind:

“Dear Lord, I acknowledge these feelings as human, but please keep me firm and standing strong.”

God is strong and can help you not to fall. He can bring you before his glory without any wrong in you and can give you great joy.

Jude1:24

It felt more than a prayer; it was a profound acknowledgment of my humanity. I was reminded of Pst. Chingtok’s words:

“The Holy Spirit is near, and you can tell Him anything.”

So, I turned to my diary, a sanctuary I’ve titled “Dear God,” where I laid bare every feeling, emotion, desire, and longing I’ve ever experienced.

Amanda, you might be curious why I’m sharing this with you. I’m doing so simply because it’s a prompting from my heart, and I feel a compelling need to share it with you. I know you, Amanda. You’re a fervent tongue-speaking Christian, a seeker of demonstrations of the Kingdom, a shaker and mover in the Kingdom. I’m aware that you’ve immersed yourself in the presence of God, traversing dimensions and realms. But, Amanda, tonight I want you to know that beyond the spirit, you are a flesh-and-blood being, a beautiful and intricate soul with emotions, desires, and longings.

Firstly, congratulations if you’ve ever been in a situation like mine. It signifies your humanity and normalcy. It shows that the essence of your being, that part of you that is raw and genuine, still exists. But, Amanda, I’m writing to assure you that you are not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you experience such feelings. I want you to understand that you are in control in those moments and can persevere.

We all experience times of testing, which is normal for every human being. But God will be faithful to you. He will screen and filter the severity, nature, and timing of every test or trial you face so that you can bear it. And each test is an opportunity to trust him more, for along with every trial God has provided for you a way of escape that will bring you out of it victoriously.

I Corinthians 10:13

This letter, Amanda, is meant to remind you that your longings and cravings, even your desires for more profound sexual affection, are valid. But your pursuit of purity and closeness with God holds profound significance. So, Amanda, know that your yearnings are valid, and your journey with God is more meaningful than you might realize.

Amanda, as a young woman, when I experienced these desires, I found myself seeking solace in movies and songs while still attempting to cultivate my relationship with God. In those moments when my humanity clashed with my spiritual aspirations, I succumbed to my feelings and indulged my flesh. I immersed myself in music and movies that resonated with my sexual desires, unaware that they were slowly eroding the walls I was trying to build.

When I was a child, I spoke about childish matters, for I saw things like a child and reasoned like a child. But the day came when I matured, and I set aside my childish ways.

1 Corinthians 13:11

Amanda, you may recall the scripture,

“If the axe is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed, but skill will bring success.”

Ecclesiastes 10:10

However, I failed to seek strength or stability within myself. Instead, I thought engaging in such activities was harmless. But, as I delved deeper, what began as innocent entertainment led me down a path of immorality. I found myself dancing to the tune of my lustful desires, eventually falling into the grip of addiction.

Before I knew it, I was trapped in a cycle of guilt, emotional trauma, and depression. Amanda, those were dark days I’d rather forget—days that held me captive, stripping away my sense of self and leaving me feeling hollow. Despite outward appearances of strength and success, I was broken and lost inwardly. Amanda, I wouldn’t wish those days upon anyone.

I write to you today from a place of victory and determination, resolved not to succumb daily to the enemy’s schemes. As I pen these words, I am keenly aware of our shared humanity, recognizing our everyday struggles, needs, and yearnings. Amanda, your desires and emotions are genuine, but your commitment to purity holds greater truth than any passing desire. It only takes a small step to stumble, just a slight inclination to veer off course. In those moments when warmth surrounds you, and temptation beckons, your response, stance, and subsequent actions genuinely matter.

It only takes a single move to undo it all. A friend once told me, “From a clap, it becomes a dance.” Yes, Amanda, from a simple step, sin can escalate. While you may not fully understand the intent behind my words today, the core message is threefold:

To acknowledge and validate your emotions and feelings. Secondly, I want to assure you that you are not alone and can overcome this. Lastly, I want to remind you that in moments of weakness, you possess inner strength.

In my moment of vulnerability today, I found solace in reflecting on God’s love and strength. As clarity emerged, I questioned why overcoming it took longer than usual. Perhaps, I realized, I was inadvertently feeding my flesh rather than nurturing the peace I should have embraced.

My counsel is this:

Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are contrary to each other, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don’t you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?

Galatians 5: 16-18

Amanda now is the time to scrutinize your surroundings. Are there influences in your life igniting the flames of temptation? Are there sights and sounds infiltrating your senses that should have been cast aside? Be vigilant, for what seems harmless today may prove harmful in moments of weakness. Watch your associations, Amanda. Do you have trusted confidants to lean on during challenging times? Reflect on who you can rely on and who will stand with you and uplift you when the enemy’s arrows fly. When I stumbled, I was comforted by the knowledge that I had supportive individuals ready to offer companionship and strength. So, Amanda, I ask you: Who is that steadfast friend in your life? Who are the warriors in your clan who will stand by you when you face adversity?

If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

Ecclesiastes 4:10 NLT

Take heed, Amanda. Be mindful of what you expose yourself to, for in moments of doubt, what lingers in your subconscious may determine your path. Let your circle be resilient, ready to fortify you against the enemy’s assaults. Amanda, I achieved victory today. It wasn’t due to my strength but rather the timely intervention of someone close to me. At a moment when I was teetering on the brink, when I feared I might succumb to the desires of my flesh, a friend reached out to me with a link. That simple gesture, Amanda, saved me from taking a thousand steps backward.

So, I ask you again, Amanda: Who are you investing in, and who is investing in you? Who surrounds you, guiding you towards growth and offering support when needed most?

Amanda, I present this letter today with a few key points to consider. Firstly, Amanda, remain steadfast in your journey of purity. Secondly, understand that you will face trials—perhaps not just from your desires but also from external influences. Stay vigilant, alert, and prepared so that when these challenges arise, you are ready to confront them head-on.

Be well balanced and always alert, because your enemy, the devil, roams around incessantly, like a roaring lion looking for its prey to devour.

1 Peter 5:8 TPT

Additionally, Amanda, take stock of your surroundings. Pay attention to what you watch, listen to, and allow into your life. Consider the company you keep. If there are gaps in your support system, Amanda, it’s essential to address them. Surround yourself with individuals and influences that will uplift you in times of weakness rather than lead you astray.

So, Amanda, I leave you with this final thought: Stay vigilant, stay prepared.

Finally, Amanda, I entrust you with these words: may the Lord Jesus fortify you against stumbling and may the grace of God remain with you until my following correspondence.

And then, after your brief suffering, the God of all loving grace, who has called you to share in his eternal glory in Christ, will personally and powerfully restore you and make you stronger than ever. Yes, he will set you firmly in place and build you up

1 Peter 5:10 TPT

Yours in faith,

Written by Mary Nwanua