Hi there! Thank you for always making time for me. I hope you find encouragement as you read and learn alongside me. Today’s subject isn’t clickbait.
So I’ll be doing “A comparison of Ruth and Lot’s daughters.”
Afterward, Lot left Zoar because he was afraid of the people there, and he went to live in a cave in the mountains with his two daughters. One day the older daughter said to her sister, “There are no men left anywhere in this entire area, so we can’t get married like everyone else.” And our father will soon be too old to have children. Come, let’s get him drunk with wine, and then we will have sex with him. That way, we will preserve our family line through our father.Genesis 19:30-32NLT
Studying Lot, Abraham and God’s destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, these lines caught my attention: “There are no men left anywhere in this entire area, so we cannot get married like everyone else.” And I am reminded that this line represents the thoughts of many singles today.
You know, for some people, the end justifies the means. By hook or crook, It doesn’t matter. One may also think the plot to carry out incest wasn’t completely bad. You cannot blame Lot’s daughters. If you were in their shoes, what would you have done? engaged to be married, God wiped out the entire city inclusive of their spouses, chances and prospects were all gone.
Because I studied the whole chapter and the one before it, I understand the context better. And I came to the conclusion that Lot’s family, and very possibly Lot himself, did not share a common faith in Abraham’s God. God agreed with Abraham that if he found ten righteous men, he would not destroy Sodom. And sadly, God didn’t. The only reason God rescued Lot and his family was because of mercy sponsored by the fact that they were “lucky” to have an intercessor in the person of Abraham, who happens to be His friend. And we can tell they didn’t share his faith judging from Lot’s subtle refusal to go to the mountain as the angel instructed based on a weak reason, the behavior of his wife, which caused her to turn into a pillar of salt, the disbelief of his sons-in-law, which caused them to be destroyed alongside the men of Sodom, and finally, his daughters, who dared to attempt incest.
For today, our focus is only on his daughters, not on the incest they committed, but on the motivation for the action. They did so because they thought their case was already hopeless. And they had to do something to help their father preserve their lineage. Yes, help their father. Because usually it is the man’s headache to worry about continuity of lineage, I find it funny and a bit strange that Lot appeared to be unbothered and his daughters were busy plotting a plan for continuity. If indeed those young women believed in the God of their granduncle, they would have seen through the eyes of faith and known that though He destroyed every single soul in their city, He still has “remnants” in other cities. And he is willing to send “a man from a distant country” their way.
Hang in with me, and let’s compare briefly their attitude and mindset with that of Ruth.
In my opinion, Lot’s daughters had a better chance of marrying than Ruth.
Ruth had been married before and was widowed. a foreigner in Israel. not just any kind, but a Moabitess—a lineage born out of incest. That is sufficient stigma. stuck with a vengeful mother-in-law and choosing to live in a country she’s never visited, serving a God she’s never met.If she had returned to Moab, just like her co-wife Orpah, she may have had higher chances of remarrying. I’m not sure if she ever wondered, especially before her second marriage, if she made a mistake by choosing and insisting on going with her mother-in-law, even though the latter suggested she go ahead without her. But somehow she believed that the God of Israel would give her a better future. And we know how it all played out in the end.
By chance (which indeed was divine orchestration), she found herself working on the farm of an employer who ended up being her husband. We all loved how it ended, right? Who doesn’t love “love stories”? The icing on the cake was that she had unknowingly aligned herself to be a part of Jesus’ lineage.
Did we see how both stories played out?
One allowed what they could see or their present circumstances to pressure them, and they made a foolish choice. The other, despite not knowing what lay ahead, chose to trust and was rewarded with a promising future. Jackie Kendall, in her book “Lady in Waiting,” wrote of Ruth that she looked not with sensual sight but through the “eyes of faith,” “choosing to trust with her heart for the future her eyes could not yet see.”
Where am I driving at with this comparison?
Today’s word is for the singles reading this. I know there are some persons here who really want to be married but it seems like the odds are against them. Stuck in a lifestyle or location that wouldn’t expose them to so much prospects and just like Lot’s daughters, they are considering or may have considered that in 2023, they will make some ‘moves’ to change their story. And even though they may not admit it, such moves is birthed out of desperacy or a carnal analysis of what is happening around them. Everyone seems to be getting married except you. Your family and friends are asking you what’s up and mounting pressure on you. You are getting closer to 30 or may have even passed that age. And you think, if you don’t do something now, this year will end again like 2022.
Some may consider going to a big city and settling there or working in a predominantly male organization, or serving in a ‘male-dominated’ service unit in church. Some others blame their persistent single state on the fact they are still worshipping in their parents’ church which is full of old men and women and are contemplating changing to the “youthful” church their friends attend, which they heard is packed with hot-blooded single males. Some dread doing NYSC or working permanently in the north because their chances of getting the kind of male they want is slim.
I have heard people say that it isn’t wise for a young lady to travel abroad for further studies or permanent settlement if she isn’t married or in a relationship yet. Cos the pickings are slim over there. It is either he isn’t a Nigerian or someone of your tribe or he is already taken/engaged to someone back here in Nigeria or possible age differences or he isn’t as churchy as you may want him to be etc.
I found a funny comment about 2-3 years ago when I was seeing one wedding video on YouTube. The commenter, obviously female, was saying that they should notify her when next a Nigerian wedding will hold in London so that she will turn up; for she needs to get herself a man. Lol
You don’t get a man by logic. Scratch that. You may get a man that way. Any kind of man. But you can’t find God’s will by doing math and calculating where you stand chances of finding a husband.
In the words of Jackie Kendall,
You can have an abundance of men around you and yet be single. So, it’s not by all that. For we are not looking to marry just any man, but a God-ordained one
Many persons have testified finding their God-ordained spouses even when they weren’t actively looking or deliberating searching and sometimes in least expected places or occasions.
A case of serendipity one may say, but it is all God, working behind the scenes and orchestrating every move. So quit all your schemes. It is needless and highly unnecessary. Stepping up your makeup game and dressing more sexy or turning up at every wedding (invited or not) won’t bring the man. If anything at all, it will bring the wrong kind of men your way.
- You can never birth an Isaac by making desperate moves: You will only end up with an Ishmael. Desperacy makes you do foolish things that ordinarily you wouldn’t do and you would end up with Moab. Desperate moves are dependent on logic and it is obvious the desperate individual is not viewing his or her circumstances through the eyes of faith.
Before you get to think it, let me help you and address it.
God helps those who help themselves is a devilish quote which has no reference in the Scriptures.
God has promised to help you. Even beyond marriage matters. And He never attached a condition of you helping yourself first before He does. God has said in His word that not one shall lack her mate. Stop adding words in His mouth and saying what He didn’t say or implying what He didn’t mean. Stop helping God in a bid to hasten the promise. You are not His help-meet and He didn’t ask for your help either. He will do it His own way; His own timing.
- Ensure that in each season, you are planted where God wants you to be, you are in consonace with His will and sensitive to His leading.
He knows how best to link you to your man of God even if you are stuck in one village in East Africa or Northern Nigeria. Even if you are always surrounded by only females or teach a children class where you stand no chance of having contact with the males of your church. Even if your schedule doesn’t allow you to attend so many events or even if you work from home 24/7, God will meet you right there where you are. You are not lost in God’s map. He is keeping you hidden and saved for the best man; His son.
Your circumstances, work conditions, occupation and physical location may appear to be a limitation when viewed with human eyes but can never be a limitation to God. God can override all those obstacles and make it happen. Just trust Him to write your love story. And be willing to follow His script and not attempt to write yours. Have faith even when odds seem to be against you. Even when you don’t see the physical signs, God is working in your favor.
I normally picture God and my future this way: He is standing in front of a board with different pins and ropes connected to each other. And He is busy joining all the pieces, connecting each dots, taking a step back to view the whole thing. Making adjustments here and there.
Till the whole plan is perfect. And my role, my only role is to stick to the plan and not foolishly run ahead of Him or take a shortcut. I may ruin the whole thing or make the process longer. Or pay heavy consequences. For one, I intend not to be the ancestral mother of the ‘Moabites’ or ‘Ammonites’ when I stand a better chance of being part of the ‘lineage of Jesus’.
How long will I wait, Ella? I am already 27. Or 29. Or 31.
I honestly don’t know. I wish I had the answer. But I do know it doesn’t take God anything or any serious effort to make it happen. He can make it happen in 24 hours. In a month. Your story can change within six months. Or within a year. And if He decides to come through in five years, (I know we don’t like to hear that part), it is still in your best interest.
I am also wondering how the story would have changed if Lot’s younger daughter declined or objected to the idea her sister was proposing. For you see, the suggestion to put yourself out there may come from well-meaning individuals who seem to love you, care about you and dishing out good advice. I know some popular Pastors have also ‘preached’ the sermon of “Go to where the men are. How do you expect them to see you when you are always in the house?” And women run off with these carnal suggestions and start frequenting places where “the men” go often or start being ‘extra’ with dressing and makeup when they know they will meet some guys or go to church/events not based on what they stand to gain but rather for the prospect of meeting a guy. I don’t have a problem with dressing and looking good. Please do look and smell good. I am only questioning your motive. And be consistent with dressing good and being “extra” around women too. And not just guys.
This particular point is my last paragraph,
I had skipped it and finally edited my post before the Holy Spirit reminded me about it. And He wants me to ask you,
Why are you trying to build your marital destiny on the foundation of works and not faith?
And the Bible says that The just shall live by faith(Romans 1:17). TLB and NLT translations say something in the lines of “….This is accomplished from start to finish by faith”. Everything, and not just your Christian walk. Everything including your marriage from start to finish should be by faith.
One may say Faith without works is dead. I agree. But shouldn’t your actions be inspired by faith or by God and not the people-inspired, pressure-inspired, fear-inspired, desperacy-inspired moves you are considering. You may also be thinking, “But Ruth put herself out there. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have married Boaz.”
- First, it is needful you understand the custom at that time to better understand the context of her behavior.
- Next thing I will say is that clearly, it wasn’t her actions that made Boaz to marry her. All things being equal; he wasn’t the rightful person because there was a closer relative. But because God’s hand was in all of it, the close relative declined and Boaz now had to marry Ruth.
- The third thing I would want you to consider is that Ruth never schemed to get Boaz from the start. It was purely divine coincidence that she found herself working in Boaz’s farm. The farm could have been owned by someone married. Or old enough to be her father. But it was owned by rich-never-been-married-hot-blooded Boaz😁. When God wants to do something, He does it welllllllllll!
Time and space may not permit me to share real-life stories or one may say, testimonies of different individuals. But I pray you find enough hope in Ruth’s story. I pray her experience strengthens your faith in God and His promises concerning your marital destiny. I pray that impatience and desperacy will not get you to move out or ahead of God’s plan for your life. I pray that your faith will produce for you in the end. I really look forward to your own testimony. And when it does happen, please don’t forget to invite us to share in your joy!